Music on Hold

Have you ever called some big company looking to talk to an actual human and been frustrated by the whole experience? I have. In particular, I love the whole "your call is very important to us, so please remain on the line and the next available representative will answer your call in the order it was received..." then back to the rebaked Peaches and Herb song, played by Kenny G. Or Billy joel, or the Carpenters.

In the interest of full disclosure, I think companies should be made to say what they really mean when you're on hold:


"Hi. Thanks for calling. We've moved our phone services to India. Please hold while we send your call over there. There will be a small charge appearing on your phone bill for this service."

"Hi, our company has downsized all but one of the telephone operators. He's in the bathroom right now. Please hold."

"Hi, you don't really mean any more to us than anyone else, so just wait, and we'll get to you when we get to you."

"Hi. We're in the middle of our monthly "birthday lunch" and we'll answer your call when we're finished singing and eating cake."

"We're all playing poker online, and when one of us loses all our money, we'll get back to our regular job, which is pissing you off."

"Hi, we're dealing with the OTHER 79 really irate people who called us in the last 90 seconds, so just chill out and see if you can get even MORE irate. We like that. And when we hang up with you, we'll take your most outrageous comment, print it out, and put it on our "Wall of Shame."

"We'll answer your call in the order in which it was received, or when we feel like it, whichever comes last."