8.17.2006

What a GREAT day to be alive

So, I feel pretty much like CRAP today. You know, dook, scud, hud, loaf, 24 inches of schedule "C" PVC, flop, you get the idea.

On top of it all, I've spent what FEELS like DAYS babysitting people who should not need to be babysat in order to accomplish things that are written on their job description. And we're not talking about employees here, we're talking about people who work elsewhere - title companies, other lenders, etc.

It would appear that "The New Normal" goes like this:

"Hmm, this just came in on the fax machine, Becky, it says we are supposed to do something, but I'm not sure what. Can you help me?"

Becky: "Well, I can't tell either, so just put it on the corner of your desk, and maybe somebody will call you back and tell you what to do with it."

"Do you think I should call ThatOneGuy back and ASK him what I should do?"

Becky: "Nah, he'll call you - he always calls to follow up. Just wait for him to call you back."
Then I call back, because NOTHING HAPPENED, and what do I get? See previous post regarding Music on Hold.

So, in light of this conversation, I've put together a little list of my new appellations for these sorts of people:

38 Kinder, Gentler Terms for Stupid People

The wheel's spinning, but the hamster's dead.
A few clowns short of a circus.
A few fries short of a Happy Meal.
An experiment in Artificial Stupidity.
A few beers short of a six-pack.
Dumber than a box of hair.
A few peas short of a casserole.
Doesn't have all his cornflakes in one box.
One Froot Loop shy of a full bowl.
One taco short of a combination plate.
A few feathers short of a whole duck.
All foam, no beer.
The cheese slid off his cracker.
Body by Fisher - brains by Mattel.
Has an IQ of 2, and it takes 3 to grunt.
Warning: Objects in mirror are dumber than they appear.
Couldn't pour water out of a boot with instructions on the heel.
He fell out of the stupid tree and hit every branch on the way down.
An intellect rivaled only by that of garden tools.
As smart as bait.
Chimney's clogged.
Doesn't have all his dogs on one leash.
Doesn't know much, but leads the league in nostril hair.
Elevator doesn't go all the way to the top floor.
Forgot to pay his brain bill.
Her sewing machine's out of thread.
His antenna doesn't pick up all the channels.
His belt doesn't go through all the loops.
If he had another brain, it would be lonely.
Missing a few buttons on his remote control.
No grain in the silo.
Proof that evolution can go in reverse.
Receiver is off the hook.
Several nuts short of a full pouch.
Skylight leaks a little.
Slinky's kinked.
Surfing in Nebraska.
Strong, like Bear ... Smart, like Tractor.

I have other lists too, compiled over long periods of thought on deep subjects. My favorite list, I think, is the list of alternate names for the beloved camel-toe. I'll post that one day, and offend you all in one swell foop.

Until then, I have people to babysit. Heaven forbid that they should follow a task to its logical conclusion. That would be TOO MUCH. Way above and beyond the call of duty. Hazard pay.

1 comment:

for what it's worth said...

Pretty like flower..dumb like rock!