7.18.2006

The Book Of Mormon story you DON'T know...

Saw this elsewhere and thought I'd do my part in perpetuating faith-promoting seminary stories:

Abercrombie and Fitch, of course, were the two older brothers of Nephi in the Book of Mormon, older than Laman and Lemuel, the ones we often read about. Abercrombie (Hebrew for "less is more") and Fitch (Hebrew for "yuck!") were trendy moguls of fashion in Jerusalem and were the reason why the family had silver and gold. Unfortunately, they were not only rebellious, but utterly shocked their parents in the New World by introducing immodest styles for men such as their "Nothing But a Loincloth®" line that became an instant hit with many locals in the hot climate of Mesoamerica. (Scholars to this day fail to recognize that many ancient Mesoamerican carvings and figurines of mostly naked people were actually part of early advertising campaigns for Abercrombie and Fitch's fashion shop and the related businesses spawned by their breakthroughs in fashion.)

Lehi was so disgusted that he burned their beautifully illustrated catalog, forcing Abercrombie and Fitch to start engraving their designs on metal plates which could not be so easily destroyed by fire. Yes, that's where the idea actually got started. Nephi tried to stop their repulsive business by stealing the plates and later realized he could use them for his own record, starting another enduring trend among his people. But Abercrombie and Fitch only escalated their business, drawing upon the shrewd business skills of their brother Laman who helped draw numerous locals and much of Lehi's family into the fold of their scantily-clad customers.

Lehi disowned them and decreed that there should be no mention of those two sons in any family records. And as the current record indicates, tensions between Nephi's group and his more fashion-conscious siblings escalated, forcing Nephi to head north in hopes of living life in a more modest environment. But once a fashion trend starts, it's hard to stop, and soon the land was sprawling with "Lamanites" - Nephi's euphemism for those who dressed with appalling bad taste (staying true to Lehi's command to never mention Abercrombie and Fitch again).

11 comments:

for what it's worth said...

Okay so I get where Abercrombie and Fitch fit in but where on earth do Crate and Barrel fit in?
And who decided that "Lands End" was the end? I thought Christopher Columbus proved the earth was round. Isn't it...have I been duped??????
Oh, man, my head hurts...I need to take a nap!

Anonymous said...

Can I have this 5 min of my life back? What a lame story.

That One Guy said...

HAH!! Sorry Anon... you can make the time back by driving faster to the next place you go..

:)

That One Guy said...

although I do admit - that is a BRUTALLY LAME STORY!!

:)

sarahbellum said...

oh boy, i'm sending the haters over here. you can have your turn with 'em! ;)

Juniper said...

I feel like this story left me hanging, but I'm not sure! Isn't there more?

Reach Upward said...

Thanks for the humor. I enjoyed the diversion.

CVF said...

I saw this at Mormanity blog -
(http://mormanity.blogspot.com/2006/07/what-do-mormons-think-of-abercrombie.html)

That One Guy said...

yes, someone pointed me to it there, and I admit, I perpetuated.

It was lame there too.

:)

Nessarose said...

yawn.

That One Guy said...

Nessa: ya think?