Note to Plaxico Burress

Hey Plaxico,

If you're going to hurry off the field and put your hat on sideways like a playa, for all the cameras, you shouldn't SUCK on the field at the same time.

One catch - fumbled. When it hits you in the numbers, you should probably CATCH IT. I'm just sayin'.

Yeah, you a playa. Have a seat right here on the bench. Eli needs more from you, man. Like, on the field, I mean. Leave the visor in your tricked-out Yukon, until you can play along. (oh, and Eli, try looking for my man, Shockey - he's open all the time... look for him - he'll take it to the zone for you.)

And in other football news - Terrell Owens - NFL freakshow and spoiler for every team he's ever played for, has reportedly tried to commit suicide yesterday.

The dude has been a walking circus act since he entered the (his) league six years ago. Some highlights:

• Dec. 15, 2002: Celebrates a TD catch in a loss to Green Bay by taking pompoms from a cheerleader and dancing behind the end zone.
• Oct. 14, 2002: Celebrates a TD catch on Monday Night Football by pulling a marker from his sock and autographing the ball.
• Aug. 13, 2004: In interview with Playboy magazine, when asked if he thinks Garcia is gay, responds: "Like my boy tells me: If it looks like a rat and smells like a rat, by golly, it is a rat."
• Nov. 7, 2004: Cameras follow as he yells at Donovan McNabb on the sideline during a loss to the Steelers.
• Oct. 31, 2004: Now with the Eagles, mocks Baltimore linebacker Ray Lewis during an end zone celebration.
• Nov. 3, 2005: In an ESPN.com interview, says the team would be better off with Brett Favre starting at QB than with injured McNabb and blasts the team for not marking his 100th career TD catch.
• July 5, 2006: "T.O.", the second setting-the-record-straight autobiography Owens has written in 22 months, is released five days ahead of schedule. The biggest revelation: His relationship with Philadelphia quarterback Donovan McNabb soured for good when Owens was told "Shut the (expletive) up" in a huddle. McNabb later calls the autobiography a "children's book."