My Class Action Suits


I read the other day that some dork launched a class action suit against Apple Computer because the iPod might cause hearing damage if it’s played too loudly. Then another dude launched a suit against Apple claiming that his NANO has too many scratches.

Umm, gimme a break. In light of this news, I have decided to launch class action lawsuits against the following companies/individuals for these reasons:

---> That One Guy v. All Handgun Manufacturers, because, as we all know, they’re dangerous and they even KILL people.

---> That One Guy v. All Manufacturers of those damn SOUPCAN mufflers, Cummins Diesel, Ford Powerstroke Diesel, My TV, Movie Companies who make any explosion a part of their films, Fans in Sports Stadiums (stadiae?), and My Children, because they are all also too loud for my comfort.

---> That One Guy v. Nintendo, Microsoft X-Box Division, Sony Playstation Division, because they just make people stupid.

---> That One Guy v. All Cell Phone manufacturers, because when people use them while driving, they are stupid too.

---> That One Guy v. All Automobile Manufacturers, for the same reason as above.

---> That One Guy v. All Ski Manufacturers, because they are dangerous and people obviously can’t think for themselves, and we shouldn’t expect them too.

---> That One Guy v. anybody that makes coffee, because it can be served hot, and that might hurt.

---> That One Guy v. 7-11, because slurpees can be too cold, causing brain damage.

---> That One Guy v. any Malaysian company that makes shoe laces, because they can be tied too tight and make my feet hurt, or they could come undone and cause me to trip and fall. This one will be lucrative.

There are many more – maybe I’ll start a separate page of my proposed lawsuits. If you’d like to join the class on any one of these actions, just leave a comment to this post.

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