How to fly under the radar

In my little family, a lot of communication happens through cell phone text messages, and some through instant messenger-type applications.

As a public service, and since we all know that the government is monitoring such traffic, here are the

"Perfectly Harmless Instant Messenger Statements That Will Get You in Trouble If the Government Is Spying on You"

i thought my jokes about congress would kill, but they totally bombed

my dad’s gonna blow up at me when he finds out i helped toilet paper that white house down the street

she kept hijacking the conversation during the whole plane trip! it drove me crazy! i wanted to kill myself and everyone onboard!

my science teacher, mr. alkayda, has farts that are like chemical weapons

i am going to murder president george w bush

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