Welcome to Utah, but don't offend them, over there.

In this morning's Tribune our (state monopolized) Liquor Commission's leader was reported to have asked her colleagues on the board to enact a rule to cover up bottles of booze displayed at restaurants because some diners may be offended at the SIGHT of Alcohol.

A glass partition (rule already in place) between bartenders and customers required under current regulations may not be enough, Coray told her fellow liquor control commissioners at their monthly meeting.

Coray, a lone holdout opposing liquor licenses for strip bars, now wants the commission to place more restrictions on glass partitions in restaurants. She called the partitions "a Zion curtain," imposed to satisfy Mormons whose faith eschews alcohol. (Mormons shouldn't be in strip bars anyway... pretty sure.)

Glass walls don't obscure the alcohol, said Coray, a nondrinker, turning the "atmosphere in a restaurant to more of a bar." She singled out the Cheesecake Factory, which opens its first Utah outlet at Fashion Place in Murray on Nov. 1, because alcohol bottles are in plain view.

Coray, a NON-DRINKER FOR RELIGIOUS REASONS, notes that she doesn't think Utah's inane liquor laws are quirky at all. She has challenged the public to point out quirks, and, she says, no one has done so.

Ms. Coray, do you think it might have something to do with the idea after a while, nobody likes to scream into a vacuum?? Gimme a break.

At Squatters, a downtown brew pub, you can sit on a bar stool and order a beer, but upstairs at the loft, where they have a full service license, you can't do that. You have to get a table, and food. How's THAT for a quirk?

How about the stupid "one drink on the table per person at a time rule"?? That's pretty moronic right there - effectively, if you're drinking a glass of wine, and your waiter asks you if you want another one, and you say yes, when the waiter brings your glass, your first one has to be empty BEFORE THEY CAN PUT YOUR NEW ONE ON THE TABLE and take your old glass away. Quirky? Umm, yeah.

No sidecars allowed? QUIRK.

How about this one: 3.2% (Alcohol) beer. That's not a quirk? Then how about the idea that liquor should be regulated and doled out at state-run stores? But they won't CHILL IT FOR YOU. That's your problem. QQUUIIRRKKKKK.

Like I said, after a while, you just have to stop slamming your hand in the car door.