A Bright Spot

In reading what I wrote in a stream-of-consciousness kind of thing a couple of posts ago, one could easily get the impression that I am about to simply jump off the roof. Such is not the case. There are, however, some people I'd like to THROW off the roof, but that's another post for another day.

That said, I do REALLY appreciate sunny days during the winter. That really lifts my spirits, and I took advantage yesterday by having a quick ski at Solitude. I took this pic on the way down the mountain.

So, moral of the entire story: when it's cold and gray, it's easy to get down and be very pessimistic about lots of things. So try to find the sunshine. And here's the other thing - it's great to complain about stuff - but I also need to do what I can do make things better, at least for myself and the people I come into contact with. And this world would be a lot better off if I did more of that, and if you did too.

So, do something good for somebody, even if it's just telling somebody you love them or appreciate them. And have a little hope.

I haven't started reading any blogs yet, from my hiatus, but I will judiciously choose to start that again soon, making sure it's in balance with the rest of my life.

Things retailers don't like:

So, I'm standing in the Eddie Bauer store at a local mall over the weekend. I wanted a couple of new plain T-shirts, and I like the Eddie Bauer ones.

I walk in there, and their long sleeve ones are on the top shelf. No problem, thinks I.

So I reach up and grab the right size off the pile on the top shelf. That's when the fun started. As I pulled it off the pile, the corner of it grabbed the ALUMINUM signage, which was apparently just SITTING on the shelf. Without warning, down it came, and I swear, it tried to decapitate me. I was lucky to escape with a gusher across my already prominent brow.

In addition to the humiliation of a sign falling and hitting me, the SOUND that an aluminum sign makes on the floor apparently makes the employees believe I have tried to steal something. The moron attendant came trotting over TO MAKE SURE HIS SIGN WAS OKAY.

So what did he say to me, you ask? He said, "I need to go get my ladder..."

Are you kidding me? Did you SEE WHAT YOUR SIGN DID?

Apparently they don't like it when the signage gets moved. My bad.

Dear 2009: a million-word brain dump

Dear 2009:

Do me a small favor, will ya, and turn around and give 2008 the finger on its way out. It was very unkind as it wrapped up its presence in my life.

I'm no fan of the last part of the year we call the "holiday season." It actually starts around the end of September, in a way. Like clockwork, I wake up one morning and hear the Canada geese honking their way over my house, on their way to a better place for them, and leaving me here without even an offer to take me with them. While that might sound snide, it really begins something in me that makes things more difficult to deal with.

That honking in the morning signals shorter days, (usually) a slowdown in my work, and the inevitable calculations of whether I am meeting my goals for the year, and knowing that time to meet them is running down. The weather gets cooler, life gets slower, days get shorter, and some of the things I love to do go on the shelf til the snow melts, and I get a bit more irritable with the people around me, those whom I can least afford to piss off, really. Realizing this, you would think I would be able to see it coming and make provisions for its inevitable arrival. But like the three little pigs, I don't, and it hits me on the side of the head every year without my being able to get my hockey helmet on. You would also think that being from a place that has shorter days, colder weather, and longer winters, would make me more resilient to this sort of thing - again, not so much.

Then comes Thanksgiving, a time I really do like - it's a nice reward for making it this far, and I get to have and/or cook some good food, and generally relax a bit for a few days. But then comes the day after Thanksgiving, and all the good vibes get flushed down the toilet in the wake of the shopping frenzy that hits starting then, and going through the end of the year basically without check.

You might call me one who is afflicted with some seasonal affective disorder. But I don't think that is it, really, it's not the time of year itself, or the shortening of the days, the more infrequent presence of freshly grilled meat in my life, that is the issue. What is the issue, is what this time of year brings. Or, more to the point, what it brings OUT. What it brings out in people. I'm sure you remember the story of the young fellow who was TRAMPLED TO DEATH at a Walmart on the day after Thanksgiving. Stories like this happen every year. That this one was at a Walmart, perhaps my favorite corporate nut-punch recipient, just brings it into even better focus. Stories like this turn my stomach and make me want to scream until every nerve in my body is a jangled mess. I am mostly ashamed of what our society has done to itself. And that it all happens in the spirit of the "holiday season" is even more sickening to me. There is no way to frame greed so that it takes on a palatable taste. The country, and, by extension, the entire world, is in a steep recession right now because of greed. Any way you turn it, it all comes down to greed. One only has to venture out at 5 AM on "Black Friday" to have that driven home in spades. (no pun intended.)

Several years ago, ThatOneWife and I decided to venture out at that time on that day. We went to a local electronics store to get some MP3 players for a few of the kids. As we waited in line to get in, things got pretty dicey and as more activity inside the store was apparent, the crush of people became pretty fierce. Then the yelling started, people pushing into line, and then everyone just shoving to get in as the doors were unlocked. Mrs. ThatOneGuy got pinned against the side of the door briefly, as everyone there turned into knuckle-dragging neanderthals, shoving their way into the store to get their hands on the goods - gotta get that $70 DVD player, at all costs, apparently.

People pushed and shoved, were general assholes. People picked up STACKS of the DVD players, like 5, 6, or 7 of the damn things. It was a disgusting display.

Since that time, it has only become more of a sport, that Friday shopping. And I have only become more disgusted by its practice. Add to the pile those who are more interested in the "receiving" than the "giving" and I get a pretty good headache...

Our entire way of life runs on greed. Get that credit card, get that interest only loan so you can get that bigger house, get that Hummer to put in the garage. Need a boat? Hell yes, you need a boat - THIS boat. And the greed doesn't all belong to the consumer either.

And speaking of neanderthalery, how long is the Entire World going to sit here (using our $70 DVD players) and watch Israel, Hamas, Palestine, whatever, et al, bomb the hell out of each other in the name of God, fighting over such a rotted piece of dust and broken concrete as that called Gaza? As far as I'm concerned they should put up a fence electrified with a billion volts, and instead of calling it the Holy Land, call it The Land Where Nobody Is Allowed To Live. And it's not just isolated to that place either. Similar stuff happens in places like Darfur, Rwanda, Russia, China, Iraq/Iran/Pakistan, and here too. I am alarmed at some things I read about the president we have just elected. The Magic Negro? Are you kidding me? Are you really a person that subscribes to the values of a past and uninformed CENTURY entirely? Have we not really progressed that far after all? I don't care what your political philosophy is, there isn't room for that kind of cave-man ideology.

I guess the whole point to this entire venting of my spleen is to say that I am so sickened at this time of year by the constant greed and lack of humanity, here and in other places, that one can easily lose one's faith in the entire human race. It seems we are less "divine" and in fact our more common denominator is wolf-predator. That it happens under the microscope of this time of year speaks unfortunate volumes.

So, by making it this far, you are possibly thinking what an absolute SAINT I must live with. And you would be right. She understands, and I really try to not take things out on those around me. I mostly succeed, most of the time.

Soon, things will get better, I will get a better job, and begin to finally reinvent myself, and be ready for along push that will put me in a better frame of mind.

In temporary hibernation:

Sort of like what my brain has felt like lately.

By way of an explanation:

It's probably time I woke this thing back up, and put myself back out there a bit.

I crawled into a hole a while back, for several reasons. Most notably, the company I was working for basically vaporized in my hands. You may ask, was there no warning? And I would say that there was, and I chose to ignore them. The warnings were not big, they were small. But more to the point, I was made aware of a couple of situations and business practices, or philosophies, which I was previously not aware of.

Vague enough for you? How bout this: No matter what they say, or tell you, don't work for felons. Because past felons are much more likely to be future felons. And now I've worked for both.

So, putting that in the past, and moving on. I've made a conscious choice to NOT be employed in the real estate field, where felons, morons, crooks and creeps seem to conglomerate.

Moving to what then? Well, that's been an interesting thing, really. Many people have told me over the last few years that I should be writing seriously. I'll make it clear that I don't consider THIS to be serious.

In a former career I was a writer. One of my first professional jobs was as a Technical Writer. I've also had jobs that entailed graphic design, packaging design, and marketing writing. I've been successful at those jobs, and I've generally made the decision to move back in that sort of direction. That decision has been a bit of a meandering one. As I began to look for a job, I noticed lots of tech jobs out there. Knowing that I have no actual tech training or education, I knew that wasn't for me. But many of those companies also have need for Technical writing, and other kinds of writing support.

So, I've been at least somewhat successful in tracking those down, and getting interviews. Problem is, there are lots of applicants for everything, and even the three or four times I've made it to the last round of interviews, I haven't pulled it out in the end. I am hopeful, however, that that will change soon. It's been a while since I interviewed for an "actual W-2" sort of job. I am, however, very motivated to find exactly that.

In the meantime, I have landed a fairly suitable gig in the writing arena. I provide writing for a company that does search engine marketing. My job is to provide keyword-rich content for client web sites, which provides backlinks, etc, improving the authority with which the clients are viewed by Google. Page rank is king in this arena, and those top three search engine results spots are highly sought after. I help get that done.

It's not awesome, by any means, from a money standpoint, but I am covering the gap right now, and aggressively seeking a permanent situation that pays better than what is happening right now.

I few weeks ago, I told a person I know, a good person, a friend, that I was trying to get into a more technology-related job, and out of real estate, and she mentioned that I needed to get networking again, and get the blog up off the ground, twitter, Facebook, LinkedIn, and generally be a geek.

I have resisted the twitter thing, and up til now have found absolutely no use for it whatsoever. But I now find myself with a Twitter account, and if you're inclined, you may follow me there, as I enumerate the ongoing travails of finding a real job, managing the stress of not actually HAVING one at this point, and just the general goings-on in my head. That account is @ThatOneGuy801, if you care.

So, in a nutshell, yes, I am still living, and there is much more to be said, but that shall come at another time.

Certainly, there is more to come. I have things to say about the election as well - which is also one of the side reasons I went dark here for a while - I promise to explain.

Talk soon.

Untitled

"Untitled"

That's what famous artists do when they can't think of a title for their painting. And me.

So here's a coupla pics then:

"Somebody" thinks she's simply a hairy human. Who likes steak. This is where she hangs out when there's cookin' afoot. She always thinks one of them is for her.



























I didn't know ThatOneWife was taking pictures that day. Shoulda sucked in my gut more. But at least my belt is visible. Just sayin.

And my own flavor of political commentary. Just in case you wondered where I stand.

Look Ma, No Hair!!

Yeah, that's right, I chopped my hair off. Time to face the reality that is my noggin. Actually, the shape of my head is not as goofy as I thought it was, and that was the reason I kept longer hair up til now. Oh well, it is what it is. No botox there, safe to say.

Anyway, I mentioned that we were going to the Al Green concert at Red Butte last week. That picture is from there. We quite enjoy going to those concerts. They are not without the drawbacks though. One of those drawbacks is that if you want a decent place to sit, you have to get there AT LEAST by three in the afternoon. That can be a problem sometimes. One of the other problems is that when you DO get there at three or before, you are forced to sit in line on a dusty road, in the BLAZING sun until they open the doors at 6. That's the hottest part of the day. Not fun. It's odd, they did a MAJOR remodel there for this season, but neglected the fact that their patrons, the ones who are keeners and pay to come to their concerts, are forced to sit out there without shade for a number of hours. It's not too bad at the beginning of September, but it is a BITCH at the beginning of July.

Anyway, on to the concert. I had not ever been to an Al Green concert before, in fact he mentioned that he had never been to SLC before. It was not quite what I expected. It's what I imagine a Neil Diamond concert to be like - never been to one of those either... it's more a love-fest of ladies rushing up onto the stage or tossing various articles of clothing at the stage, than it is about the music. His new album is quite good though, they say it's like the Al Green of old - soulful, bluesy, and heartfelt. But for the concert, the music was almost an afterthought. Lots of roses, lots of bouncers on the front of the stage, a couple of guy-dancers, etc. The set was short, and the songs were not that awesome, in musical terms anyway.

It was entertaining, but only secondarily for the music. We enjoyed dancing around a bit, and it was a lot of fun, don't get me wrong, it just wasn't a show that showcased much musicianship. Beforehand, I actually wondered if we were going to be preached at, but that was not the case, thankfully. Unless you count the preaching in the language of love, I guess. Anyway, it was really fun, we had a good time and it was really nice to get away and go to it - I needed a chance to get away from the day-to-day crapola, and that fit the bill nicely.

Anyway, it's a BONUS PICTURE day for you. First up, nice tan, no? And second, ribs, anyone?

Invasion of Privacy (yours)

Hi. I consider it no coincidence that I have played better golf since buying these. My most recent handicap revision shows me (temporarily, I'm sure) at a 9.9 handicap. Officially a single-digit handicap. Down from 13.4 earlier this year. The evidence is clear. Actually, it's black with lime-green printing on the waistband.

I'm just sayin.

It's been a busy few weeks... my oldest kid has arrived home safe and well from two years in Fiji, and we jumped on perhaps one of very few remaining chances to get everyone in the same place and in the frame of mind to have their picture taken. Worked out pretty well, I think. Reiterating the simple fact that I have no eyebrows. A cruel injustice indeed.

Actually, if you read here often you know that from time to time I will post a "self-portrait" of us at some event or concert or whatever. I'm sure there will be another to add to the collection this week, as we are going to the Al Green concert at Red Butte tomorrow. Very looking forward to that.

And if you would like a little bit of a different perspective on our self-portraits, or if you would simply like to have a laugh at our expense, check this out. Man, I am a total gomer. The painting is sitting in our living room over the mantle, waiting for a suitable frame and a permanent place to hang. Kurt over there is the MAN. Interestingly, I knew him when he was a wee tot, and every year at Thanksgiving, his family would pile into the car and go to the newest Disney animated movie, opening that day. He had an eye for art at a young age, and I have to beleive it is something that brings him a great deal of satisfaction. And, it's a handy tool of torment and ridicule against his family and acquaintances.

BREAKING: Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin tapped for McCain VP

News outlets are reporting that Alaska Governor Sarah Palin is to be named as McCain's VP pick.

What do I have to say about that, you ask?

It seems like a low-brow, pandering pick aimed at attracting the jilted Clinton Dems who wanted a woman in The Office.

The question is this - is that really going to work? Does McCain think women will flock to his ticket, particularly women Democrats who feel jilted at Obama's pick and process? Is that really what you women are willing to do, you who are unhappy with the Democratic ticket? Do you care more about a woman, ANY woman, in the Whitehouse than supporting a philosophy of policy? Are you a member of a political party, or the Party Of Women? Because if you're just a Party Of Women, that really means you would vote for a woman using the Nazi Party platform, or the Communist Party, or whatever else. Because gender is the only thing that matters? Please make McCain be wrong on that assumption. Be better than that. Please be bigger than that.

Isn't it time to support a platform of policy rather than gender? Because if it's not, why don't you just support the idea of taking the vote away from males, and allowing only the females to vote?

Kind of crazy to me, I think.

On to another note, now that I have that out of my system. I would have paid a lot to be at the DNC in Denver this week. I would have loved to see Teddy Kennedy deliver his speech live and in person - it feels to me like a passing of history before my eyes. I think I am older than most who read here - I was born just a couple of months before JFK was assassinated, and I have always felt a sort of connection to that event, and the Kennedy presidency.

Okay, enough of that - you can flame me if you want. Whatever. But tell me what you think of Obama's pick. Remember when I picked Biden as my candidate in May 2006, before he had even announced his candidacy? I like him. A lot. He's not afraid to bloody a nose or two, not afraid to say that we should be enforcing the laws we have, rather than trying to solve problems by enacting new laws. He's not afraid to call "Treason!" when he sees it. He's not a millionaire rich boy who has no connection to the middle class. He is the middle class.

Okay, so there you have my political thoughts in a nutshell. On to other things - we spent a long weekend away last weekend to play some golf before the summer ended and school started up. It also happened to be the last weekend of summer rates in Mesquite, where, if you dare, you can play golf in 110 degrees for half price or better. We had some great times with some friends, saw a show at the Shakespeare Festival, and at Tuacahn, played four rounds of golf, met some great new people, drank some wine, sat by/in the pool, and generally had a great time. We played 36 holes on Saturday - that was perhaps the hottest day of golf I have ever experienced - by the time we got to the last nine, we were the only ones on the course, and I was wearing a wet towel on my head like Malibu Barbie.

To top it all off, I bested my personal low score on Sunday morning before we came home, posting a 75, to better my two 78s played earlier this year. So all in all, a great weekend, and a nice refresher to get back and down to the task at hand.

Unfortunatley, we forgot the camera at home, and therefore this post has more text than pictures. I'll try to do better next time.

On being a uni-brow

See those two hairs there? yeah - those two. They belong neither to the right nor the left. They are volunteers. No mater what I do - pluck, pull, shave, jab, tweeze, whatever... they just come back.








Stubborn little volunteers.


GAAAAHH!!!

Sometimes the subject is in the background

The little dude in the background wishes he was our kid too. I have no doubt of this.

This is the youngest of our usually-stampeding herd. He's a pretty swell kid, like the rest of them.

Just a note:

When the sign on the Alpine Slide says SLOW DOWN, you should do that.

Just sayin'....

Have a COW:

Or maybe have a calf?











My best feature. I earned these the hard way about 25 years ago as a missionary in Denmark. In those days, and in those Scandinavian countries, the missionaries stuck to the apartment areas, which were predominant anyway. The design of those apartment buildings was such that there are MANY outside doors, each with its own address. As you walk in, there are 2 doors on the first floor, 1R, and 1L, right and left. Then up the stairs to 2R, 2L, this goes on for four five, even six floors - you knock on only two doors per floor, then walk all the way down, go 30 yards down the street to the next address, same building, and start all over again. Day in and day out, month in and month out. Yes, those calves are earned.

Funny - I played with two of the kids in a three on three basketball tournament about 3 years ago. We did okay, winning our fair share. One of the boys' friends who was playing on a team with his own dad, came up to him and said, DOOD, your dad has MASSIVE calves!! How did he DO that?

Yep, earned the hard way.

On another note, we went to the inauguration of Red Butte Gardens' new amphitheater last night with two of the kiddies. Playing was Wynton Marsalis and the Lincoln Center Jazz Orchestra. The picture of him is from a bit of a distance, so it's a little grainy, but you get the idea. We were there, he was there, they played good music, we drank things, and enjoyed the good music. The end.

Bringing Product to Market:

You know the Murphy's Law about how the Jelly side of the toast always lands on the floor. And you know the law about a cat always landing on its feet.

I'm working on a product I'm calling Cat-Toast. Maybe Feline Fried Bread? Tabby-Toast? Hairless Wonder Bread? Something like that.

We'll see how it goes.

On another note, in addition to the Boob Bowl, I like the wall-mounted Boob Bar as a conversation starter.












I think there is merit there, just trying to figure out what it is right now.

And on even ANOTHER note, I would like to relate to you an observation:

I was duped into going to Lagoon on July 4th. Being duped into going to Lagoon happens to me about every third or fourth year. I am not a fan of this place. But generally the kids like it, and I acquiesce every once in a while.

What can I say, sometimes I bend, people.

Anyway, I get within 500 yards of the gate, and I feel a strange sensation in my back pocket - an odd magnetic pull on my wallet. As I get closer, the feeling turns into a full-on vacuuming sound as the place sucks the money directly from my pants.

So, as I said, I had not been there in a few years, and every time I go there I swear I'll never set foot in the place again. I generally loathe the place.

So we go in and ride a couple of rides with the kids, and find a place to drop our stuff to wait for the fireworks, sending the kids off to be more daring than I was willing to be. By this time I have sustained a mild whiplash, the mechanical equivalent of a kidney punch, and a general loss of sensory function as a result of more-than-I-like centrifugal/G-forces. "I'm getting too old for this" was the direct quote from me to ThatOneWife. She concurred with my assessment. Oh, and I was also subjected to a hamburger that both looked and tasted like the underside of a manhole cover.

All of that I could live with. But here's the kicker. I'm a bit of a people watcher. A societal observer, if you will. And here are my findings: the place is filled with wife-beater wearing teenage thugs/gang-bangers-in-training, general trailer/white trash, fat mexican slobs/sluts masquerading as Puerto Rican Princesses to appeal to the above-mentioned thugs and bangers, Keystone Light drinking Nascar fans, and fat people in DIRE need of a shower, haircut, and/or some major personal maintenance. Many of these groups are NOT mutually exclusive either.


I'm just sayin'.

Again with the fireplaces....

Here, have one - you know you want one...










Also, this try seems to have worked out a little better than last time.













That is all for now.

Back with a Bang

Starting to get back into the swing of things here. And getting back to posting, mostly regularly. We're in the middle of an office move, and things have conspired to keep me out of my regular routine, and busy all at the same time.

I took some time to undertake a fairly large home project as well during the time away. Here is a before and after picture for you:
Yeah - pretty gross and embarrassing....











Much nicer....










You can see the entire photo set here. If you care at all.

In other news, I haven't been taken out of the golf schedule. It seems we get to play a couple of times per week, most weeks, which is nice. Other days, it's time on the driving range to pursue change and improvement. That has paid off nicely for me. Over the weekend I finally broke through my 80-stroke barrier and carded a well-played 78. Yes, you read that right, a 78, besting my previous lifetime best by 3 strokes. And I did it while dribbling my first tee shot off the hozzle about 30 yards, making a double bogey on the first hole. All in all, I hit 8 of 13 fairways, and took 34 putts - with only one three-putt.

The glaring thing about my stats was that I only hit 7 of 18 greens in regulation, so that tells me where I need to spend my range time for sure. I've changed my swing this year, using my wrist-load to try to get more club speed, and committing more to the shot, as opposed to trying help the ball more than I should. That "commitment" (mostly to the follow-through) makes better club speed, but can be disconcerting at impact and follow through. But the practice has paid off - my drives are going farther, straighter, and are doing so with about 20% less effort than before.

I reached 2 of 5 par fives in two, and narrowly missed 2 others, landing just to the right of the green, pin-high each time. Before, I haven't been long enough to consider going for the green in two. There are also two 200-yard par 3's on the course, and I played well there too, where before I would spend a lot of time wondering which club was going to get me to the green. Instead, I was wondering which club would give me the best stopping power and playability once I got there, and that was rewarding as well.

In other golf news (sorry to the regular non-golfing readers...), we took the time a couple of weeks ago to go to the Champions Challenge. It's a charity event hosted by Johnny Miller. Usually he draws a pretty good field to his event, and this year we decided to go, because Jack Nicklaus was going to be there, along with Annika Sorenstam. Given the fact that Annika has announced her retirement, and Jack just isn't going to be playing for that much longer, we decided we needed to go.

I haven't ever been to an event where there are tour players, and this was a good event right here in our back yard. Ian Baker-Finch was there, along with a few other notables, and we just really wanted to go this time. It was cool to see Annika close-up, and she was by far the biggest draw at the event, carrying the biggest gallery along with her. It's a two day event, and we walked most of the first day, and sat for the second day. We started out at the first hole on the second day, watched everyone tee away, then moved to the ninth green, then to the 18th green to watch everyone finish up. A fun couple of days, drenched in hot sun.

Tale of two hats:
One of the highlights - for me at least - was getting up close to Nicklaus, and having him sign my hat. He's the best player ever to lift a club, and it was very cool to see him play. Although he doesn't move well, he still has very obvious elements of his old swing, and it was cool to see him play for sure. And did I mention that he signed my hat? Yeah, cool.

The other hat story comes to us from Indiana. A year or two ago I found a guy who posted old 80's music videos. Every day. Many of them were a pretty good blast from the past, and he took requests. It was pretty fun. He went (and still does go) by the moniker OneHungMan. While I can't vouch for any of that, nor do I plan to be able to in the future, he is a very nice guy who cares about a lot of things, while still being able to make a joke and have fun. We struck up a conversation and before long we discovered we both loved the frustrating game of golf. He's a better player than me, carrying a single-digit handicap, with mine in the low 13's. (though I'm hoping to see mine go down a bit if I can string together a couple more decent rounds in the next couple of weeks.)

He's given me good advice and encouragement along the way. It's hard to link to his blog because it's private now, because he doesn't want to be outed at work - he sometimes vents, shall we say. It may also be private because I once sent some beer to him, along with a tshirt, at work, and I may have offered a couple of clues to his co-workers as to his online identity. I feel bad about that, because now he's private, and only a few get to enjoy the fun videos.

We've talked a lot about real estate too. That's when I learned that he goes away for a week or two every spring to the PGA event in Florida, The Players Championship. As he got ready to go this year, I didn't think much about it, but right as he was leaving, I sent him an email saying that if he had a chance to pick me up one of their cool hats, that would be really cool. He picked me up a hat, and sent it along in a package after he got back from Florida. He asked me a couple of weeks ago if the hat has made me a better player. I have to admit that I have not worn it to play in, and I'm not sure I will wear it. It's a pretty nice hat, and I'm not sure I will be able to get another one, so until I do, I think I may keep this one nice, as opposed to sweaty and stinky. But I can say that I LOVE the hat, and it was a much-appreciated gesture. Thanks man.

Conversations about things I don't like...

So, most who know me, know that I am not a big fan of the console game systems, or computer games in general. Keep that little tidbit in your mind as I relate the following conversation. This occurred, I believe, as we were either driving home from Mesquite (with me as a captive audience), or at some other time during the trip (with me as a captive audience).

Her: That Wii Fit thing looks pretty cool. I'm thinking about getting one.

Me: (with a look of incredulity) Are you kidding me? Seriously?

Her: Yeah, I think it looks good, and it has yoga, and monitoring, and calorie count, the whole thing.

Me: But it's a Nintendo GAME. You know how thrilled I am about Nintendo Games.

Her: (nonchalantly) Yeah, I know.

Me: ~some random mumbling about postliterate societies, etc.~

Her: Blank Stare (with overtones of YOU'RE A BIT OF A MORON RIGHT NOW.)

Me: (correctly interpreting said overtones) -insert cricket chirping sounds here- If you're going to do that, let's wait at least until the reviews are out, rather than just the marketing....

I thought this was brilliantly reasonable. Plus, I figured if I just ignored the conversation, it may never have actually happened. This worked for a short time.

Fast forward to Monday night when we went to pick up the kid who plays the violin. As she is getting to the car, mom says, YOU WANNA PUT THAT IN THE BACK WITH YOU, OR IN THE TRUNK? Before the sweet child could respond, I blurted, I SAY TRUNK - THAT VIOLIN CASE IS A LETHAL WEAPON IN HER HANDS, AND EVERYTHING WITHIN FOUR FEET OF IT GETS AUTOMATICALLY BEATEN TO DEATH.

And I make a move to open the trunk.

Then mom says - but now you'll see what I bought.

Yeah. You guessed it.

It's been out of the box, but not in my presence.

Now it's Thursday, and I saw this random bit of video on Teh YouToob today:



After watching this, I sent Her an email. It said: TAKE THAT THING BACK TO THE STORE. RIGHT. EFFING. NOW.

I sit there, wondering what name she'll call me, or how soon I'll be served with divorce papers.

A few moments later, I get her response back: I PROMISE I WON'T VIDEO YOU.

My response back to her: Well, I THOUGHT you were gonna say TOO LATE - I ALREADY SWEATED ON IT.

I guess we'll see how it goes from here. I love my wife dearly - and for a million reasons other than the one where she puts up with the thing that is me. So the machine will stay, we'll find a way to play Naked/Drunk Hula-Hoop, and all will be right with the world again. I'll just make sure all video recording devices are nowhere near the vicinity.

Where I've been:

So, been away from the home for a little bit. Doing stuff like this:



















yes, mugging for some self-shots. We actually managed to find some relatively nice weather not too far from home over the long weekend. From what we hear, it was much better than anything around here. One of our favorite, and close, places to go is Mesquite, Nevada. Unlike many who visit there, we don't go there to gamble. Didn't even drop a quarter on the pavement.

We go for the golf. Mesquite seems to be turning into a golf vacation destination, with several high quality courses in the area. One of our favorites is Falcon Ridge. The golf is good, the food is good, and the people are way nice. And it didn't even cost an arm or a leg, being barely out of their high season.





























Every time we play this course, I spend the first 16 holes trying to make sure that I have something left for the 17th and 18th holes, mentally and physically. The 17th is a par 3 hole that is all sand and green. Needless to say, you are trying for green, and not sand.


















This picture doesn't show it very well, but the hole is quite protected from the wind by the houses that are along all sides of the hole. If you ever wanted to know what it feels like to play golf with an audience watching, you need to go there. Anyway, the hole is listed for the men at 170 yards on the scorecard, and on the GPS systems installed in the carts. However, you stand up there, and you would SWEAR it is only 140, at the longest. So there's a mental strain there, wondering how to hit the shot.

For me, I hit a wedge 133, a 9 iron about 145, an 8 iron 155, and a 7 iron 165. This shouldn't be an issue. But remember that I said the hole is quite protected. That's the case until the ball travels above the houses, and hits the wind you never knew was there, but seems to be there every damn time we are there. When we played on Saturday, I chose an 8 iron, thinking there was no way it was playing as long as the yardage said it was. And I hit it into the sand, leaving me a 25 yard sand shot to get up and down. Didn't happen. As we drove away from the green, I was muttering under my breath, and ThatOneWife asked about it - I said, next time we get to that hole, remind me that it's a 7 iron, please. Though I likely left off the "please" part.

So on Sunday, I get to the hole, after birdieing the par 5 16th, and she says to me, remember, this is a 7 iron. I grumbled that I KNEW that, thanks. She chuckles, and I pull out my 7 iron and tee it down so I can pinch it on the turf as it goes away, thinking that I will need some spin to stop the ball, BECAUSE I AM USING TO MUCH CLUB, AND I'M GOING OVER THE GREEN.

So, obviously, my mental game is all jumbled, and I hit the ball off the toe a bit, leaving it online, but short. Like in the sand short. Fun.

Next time I go there, I'm pulling out my 189 yard hybrid, teeing it up, and bouncing it off the back of the house at the back of the green. I can make a par that way, I know it.




Sorry this post isn't for everybody - I know several who are preplexed by the game of golf, and those who play it. On another note, I have the next subject in the occasional series called On My Hard Drive picked out, and some other banality in mind for the next couple of days, along with a special post coming up. So stick around.

On various topics of no great import:

Would you let your daughter date this kid?
















Or maybe you would be okay with your son dating this one?

















Those are two of our kids, graduating from high school later this month. That's #4 and #5 for those keeping score at home. And yes, they're twins....


On another note, I believe I have finally fixed my driver and 3 wood off the tee. 95% of golfers try really hard to "help" the ball off the tee by trying to lift it off and send it on its way. This is exactly the problem that short-circuits the golf swing in its main principles. The other day we were playing with a retired couple, he was an architect, now retired and he and his wife were now traveling around playing all the golf courses they could find. He was hitting the ball just fine, but was complaining to me about how I was hitting it nice. He then stood up and hit a nice one right down the middle pretty far. I remarked that he had no right be complaining at all. He turned to me and said, "yeah, but I'm swinging all the way from my asshole." We all had a good laugh at that remark. People often tell me that I have one of the smoothest swings they have seen in a very long time.

Sometimes though I get caught trying to "help" the ball too much, and lose my way. And sometimes it's the smallest little things that bring it all back to where it should be. The other day I was watching the golf coverage on TV, and they analyzed a swing and noted how he (I can't even remember who it was) was hitting down to the ball, taking a divot with even his 3 wood. The commentators noted how this is the biggest mistake most golfers make: trying to do too much for the ball in a split second of time. Just drop the club on it and let the club do the rest.

An act of faith for sure. 95% of golfers make that mistake, and it shows in funky swings where you are watching and wonder if you should be calling a paramedic to take care of the dislocated shoulders from swinging so damn hard. For me, the smoother and more controlled I swing, the farther the ball goes. 1% of golfers who get that concept are making money doing it. I sadly, am not. But at least I'm having fun doing it right most of the time.

Shameless Self Promotion

I don't have much for you today, so you'll have to settle for a link farm.

I have just over 600 posts of banality, sprinkled with a healthy dose of inanity. Here you will find a Top Ten list of some of the more memorables, in no particular order. Have fun.

There are 11 - so consider the last one a bonus.


The Hinano Incident

My "I'd Do Her" list - to which I have added Angie Harmon - with the non-renewal of Women's Murder Club, I'll have to go back to watching old Law & Order reruns. Bow-chicka-wacka-wacka-wow-woooow..... Just sayin.

The story of my ear hair

The males for whom I have hair envy

Some thoughts on my most recent wedding anniversary

The group of posts I call "On My Hard Drive"

The story of how I got to be me

The 100 (other) things about me

Thoughts on a Utah state lottery

The story of my two tattoos

The battle between Apple and The Beatles, as told by Dr. Seuss